Well, hello there my little cherry blossom!
It's been such a long time...25 months...since my last post. Wow, what a difference 2 years can make. If you'd have asked me where my life would be at, at this point, when I wrote my last post, my prediction could not have been further from the truth!
I've just spent some time reading through some of my previous posts. It honestly feels as though they were written by someone else. Firstly, I can't believe I had so much to say. Secondly, I'm not sure whether I'd forgotten or just put it to the back of my mind, what had been going on.
Let me take you back to April 2014, when I wrote my last post. I had just gotten my new job in insurance, had had surgery six weeks prior and was only just coming to terms with going outside by myself. That job, or rather my colleagues, did more for me and my self-esteem than I could ever thank them enough for. I won't say insurance is the most riveting of subjects, I certainly hadn't ever dreamt of sitting at that desk for a living, but it helped me in so many ways I never knew possible.
Although I was earning less than I had in years, I was the happiest I'd been at work, in forever. That was such a revelation to me. I'd never been one for greed in monetary terms and I've certainly never been ambitious in a career sense, but I'd always thought that to be happy, I needed certain things in my life. Nice clothes, hair done at the salon regularly, going out for nice meals and such. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't suddenly living on the breadline and Mr J certainly never had to go without, but I realised that it wasn't in the stuff where the key to our happiness lied.
Being sick for such a long time had given me a new perspective on life and taught me a lot about myself, but I somehow imagined that life would go back to the status quo once I'd started working again. Wrong.
The pleasure found in clocking off at 5pm and not even having to consider work again until 9am the next day, was immeasurable. Not having to battle with your conscience for feeling as though you're selling products with your personal targets far outweighing the needs of your customers - wow! Having colleagues and bosses who encourage you and support you through the thick and thin - incredible.
I suddenly felt invincible. Like I was finally in charge of my own destiny and I could make anything happen. It goes without saying that without the support of Mr J, I fear it may have been a different story - but hey, at this point in life, I felt as though I was wearing a cape with my big girl pants and I was going to conquer the world. Alright, calm down Little Miss Crazy, maybe not conquer the world, but maybe it was time for me to have my "wow" moment.
(Currently fuming that I've just lost half of my ramblings and it's brought me back to this point so I need to try to remember what I'd written, or maybe it's a technological signal that I am just writing nonsense.)
Anyway, I'd watched those around me having their wow moments; degrees, travelling, amazing careers etc - always wondering why it wasn't me. Well, the obvious came up and smacked me in the face (not literally, silly!). I wasn't going to have a wow moment without making it happen. Of course. It had honestly just not occured to me before and suddenly I was found wondering what had stopped me all these years from having my moment. It was me. I had never believed in myself enough to go and get things I really wanted. I'm not clever enough to get the degree. I'm not adventurous enough to go travelling. I'm not brave enough to go for the career I'd love.
However, with my new found confidence and optimism, I decided that I wanted my wow moment to coincide with something to show Mr J my gratitude for, well, for everything - let's face it, he'd been pretty amazing as far as husbands go. I was totally lost on where to start when, as if by magic, an email appeared with an invitation to a wedding...on the other side of the world...
