Snippets of my thinkings...

Hello Blog-World, 

Well, what a week it's been. Last Monday saw the beginning of my whole new life...I finally had my surgery. After 10 long months of pain and going ever so slightly crazy, I spent almost 4 hours unconscious, with my abdomen at the mercy of a man who has left me in tears every time I've met him. 

Seem to be on the mend now, although it's too early to tell if the surgery was successful in doing what we hoped it would. Only time will tell. Mr J played nurse for the first couple of days and did a grand job, then my ma came to stay for a few nights which was (surprisingly) lovely. Don't get me wrong, I love her to bits and we have a great relationship, but staying in someones company 24/7 is a whole different ball game. It wouldn't have surprised me if one of us had ended up getting poisoned!

So, today has been the first day, left to my own devices and fending for myself. I have eaten 2 x viscount biscuits, 1 pot noodle and had 3 cups of coffee. Other than fetching those, I haven't dared to move any further than my sofa. What a wimp! My head's telling me to "man-up" while my body is telling me to stay right where I am. I shall listen to my body for a bit as it gives me more grief than my head at the moment.  

I want to share with you what happens in my complex brain after dark. I think that because nothing much happens in my life during the days at the moment, my mind goes into overdrive to brighten up my nights. In fact, I have such a strange and brilliant and sometimes scary nightlife, it makes my real life seem really rather dull. 

Last night I had two dreams that were really quite vivid. Honestly, I don't know where my mind comes up with this stuff, I think I'm destined to be a much more interesting person than I currently am. First one all centred around trains to and from China town, eating dumplings, making friends with some random guy who I've never seen before and going 'home' to a very grey apartment and then random guy walking in with his boyfriend.

Then, I dreamt that my Granddad who died a few years ago, came back to life. In fact claimed that he had never died and I was trying to convince him and myself that he was dead, that I'd seen him in the hospital and the funeral home. I ran next door to fetch my best friend so that she could verify what I was seeing and sure enough, he was there - I had been mistaken about his death and all was well. 

I'm sure there was another one but I can't remember it now. Yep, I can hear those men in white coats revving their engines. 

You might see my dreams becoming a regular feature of my blogs, they seem to take up rather a lot of my thinking time during the day. I'm not one to analyze why's of what goes on while I'm asleep, but I do tend to think a lot the day after about the dreams.

Another thing taking up valuable brain space at the moment is guilty pleasures. We all have them. I think I have rather more than average. You know those little things in life that give you so much pleasure but that you wouldn't exactly broadcast in the street. I do however, feel quite comfortable sharing my little vices with you. Please don't judge me, I didn't ask to find pleasure in these things...

1) Stationary - especially notebooks. Pretty notebooks, the more pages the better and I get quite anxious about using them for the first time, especially if the pages aren't removable.

2) Pot Noodle - I know that nutritionally they're awful and they don't even taste that great, but there's so much comfort to be found in a Chicken & Mushroom Pot of loveliness. 

3) Really cheesy music - Yes, I know, if you had a look through my iPod playlists you'd cancel our friendship immediately. There's nothing quite like belting out a really good Celine Dion or Faith Hill track. Sometimes, when feeling emotional or hormonal or even road ragey, I change the words to fit my particular mood and it's so uplifting. 

4) My biggest one - Sorting my food - I know that some certain people think I'm mad, that's fine, but I do like to eat my food in a particular order. I think it stems from childhood but I'm not getting into that psycho-twaddle. I believe that the vegetables/salad on a plate should be eaten first so that no matter how full up you get, you will always have eaten the good stuff. Then move on to the meat because the potato is the best part, that is saved till last. Also, I don't think that fruit of any kind belongs with savoury items - I mean pineapple on a pizza? What's that about? Wrong. 

So there you go for this instalment. Now you know a little more about mad me, I hope you feel a little more normal. Have a glorious rest of the week and I shall look forward to our next rendevous. 

TTFN :)

Feeling Autumnal

Hello cherub,  

Hope you've been enjoying the wonderful British Summer. Living out in the Fen's it's been far too windy to enjoy the sunshine.

Despite all the negatives in my life at the moment, it's been a busy and quite refreshing couple of weeks since our last update. I was delighted to hear that a member of my family who I don't get to see very often, has been reading all my blog updates and loves them! It's so nice to know that there's someone out there who appreciates my little thoughts and musings, so thank you CH, it means a lot. 

It was my little sisters, big birthday the other day and so, being the big sister, I decided to spoil her with lots of loveliness (just wish she'd shared the Hotel Chocolat!). She's so beautiful and talented, she totally deserves every bit of happiness. Then she came over to see me and we had some chilled sister time which was just perfect. I know I'm a bit biased but she really is the best. 

I've been feeling very grateful lately for the people I have in my life. Having such a tough year, mentally and physically, has really made me realize how many wonderful family members and friends I have, not to mention my amazing husband. I don't know how I'm ever going to repay all the generosity and show my gratitude, it's really quite overwhelming and humbling. I've had my husband, mother-in-law, step-mum and best friend on hand to take me to hospital appointments, never letting me down, always on time and always positively cheering me up. My mum has kept me company everyday, sometimes for hours on the phone so that I don't get lonely and bored. I've had so many well wishers, flowers, cards, messages etc and have heard from people I've not spoken to for years. My poor husband and closest friends having to lug my heavy wheelchair in and out of cars so that I can get out of the house occasionally. Honestly, they all deserve a medal and so much more. However do I tell them all what they mean to me?

I cannot believe that X-factor started up again on Saturday, it must be almost Autumn. I wasn't going to watch, but it's kind of inevitable really. I don't usually get into it until the live finals, after they've weeded out the rubbish. I've not really seen the seasons so much this year and have lost many days to just sitting in my chair, so it's kind of crept up on me. I've finally got an operation date through, so two weeks until I can hopefully start on the road to recovery. Slightly anxious about it all really and many, many things going through my mind, that for once I won't share with you in case you send me off with those men in white coats. 

I've been catching up on documentaries lately, as daytime TV bores me and drives me to distraction. Saw a really interesting programme on North Korea, thanks to my sister. What on Earth is going on over there? The whole country has been brainwashed since birth, just completely indoctrinated and strange. It can't be a nice place to live and I certainly won't be planning any holidays there. It makes you realize just how lucky we are really. Those people have no independence or freewill. Although, they also have no idea what they're missing out on, so don't feel resentment. It's all just a bit weird really. In a strange way, I kind of want to research and know more about it as it intrigues me. I'm going to have a rant about our country in a bit, but it could be much worse. 

Also, been watching that 1940's Benefits Britain and that's an eye opener. There are people who genuinely believe that the world owes them a favour and that they are entitled to get any benefits they can lay their hands on. I do wonder where this mindset came from? Is it that people are getting lazier? Is it our government through the years making it too easy to be unemployed? Is it the EU regulations and all the "human rights" laws that have turned society into lazy layabouts? Don't get me wrong, I understand that there are people who cannot work, cannot take care of themselves and cannot have any quality of life without benefits. I'm not going to sit here and make judgements on individual cases, but I do think there needs to be an aggressive overhaul of the benefits system. 

I think that it's a mixture of society, the government and EU regulations that have led to this and it should be up to all three to put things right. How is it right that hardworking citizens should be taxed heavily on their earnings to pay for the benefits of those who don't work? Where has the pride of our society gone? It's no longer seen as shameful for most to be out of work and queueing up to sign on. 

Human rights? Surely it should be a human right to keep hold of the money we earn? Or, the proportion of our Taxes that goes towards benefits should go into an individual savings pot ready for when we need it ourselves? Not some faceless statistic to buy their flatscreen TV. 

Haven't I been having a rant? Well, what I've said may not be "Right" "PC" or "Proper", but it's my opinion and I'm throwing it out there. You may disagree or be offended, that's your choice. When you're sitting on your own for hours each day, you get to thinking about random things.

I hope you've enjoyed this, I'll step down from my soap box now and grab a coffee. Until next time...TTFN x